I don’t think that I’ve ever slept well in my adult life, but lately, I’m really struggling. My brain buzzes with thoughts of too few vacation days and doctors appointments and medical bills and all the things I’d like to do before I have this surgery. It’s all a foggy mess – the only saving grace is the calendar function (and my new One Note app) on my iPhone. Otherwise, I’d be late for everything. Unprepared. Disheveled. Downright dirty, some days.
I haven’t overslept for anything in years. I rarely sleep longer than 3 hours in a row, even on a good night… but here I am drifting off at 2-3am and only waking up, long after my alarms were set to toll, because I hear the garbage truck banging around or the neighbor’s dog barking. I’m sleeping just enough to make me feel drained, drifting off in meetings, falling asleep in the shower standing up with the water running on my face… it feels like I’m swimming through my life. Swimming with lead weights wrapped around my ankles.