brca bullshit

More progress… but backwards, this time.

I met with the handsome young well-known plastic surgeon from Miami who examined me as a favor to a friend of a friend … and all he had to do was look to tell me they were all wrong. The first words out of his mouth were “it’s all got to come out and be re-done”, which broke my heart. But the next words out of his mouth were like angel singing in a chorus: “No wonder you’re in pain – your pec muscle is stretched to tight and it’s connection to the 3;ekls;kfo  muscle (sorry, I wasn’t paying THAT great attention) is pulling on your back.” No psychiatrists. No anxiety tests or increase of SSRIs. A logical, clear, concise explanation of my pain and suffering – not only did he believe me, he expected that I’d be in pain. It was a bittersweet visit, but he has a colleague in Reston who  he recommends as his “clone”.

Funniest thing, though… my PS, Dr. N, was his attending in med school. Hilarious.

So, we start over. Like Sisyphus forever rolling the rock up the hill only for it to roll back down again, onward I climb. This time, tissue expanders, fills, the whole works. But, he thinks once all the scar tissue comes out and my skin isn’t stretched so tight, a lot of my discomfort will be alleviated. That is music to my ears, and so I grab my hiking boots and prepare to fight another battle with health insurance and work and disability and everything else…. again.

Here’s how positive I want to feel:

But here’s what’s going on in my head:

…. and I’m still getting stronger. My soul will be iron-clad when all of this is finished.

3 thoughts on “More progress… but backwards, this time.

  1. Not backwards, just sideways! At least you KNOW what is wrong now and have a plan. Go for it. Insurance and work will fall into place.

  2. Oh Emily…sigh. That’s how I feel reading your post. I am so sad for you but I know this new PS is right…and I know that things will feel so much better for you once those crappy implants are removed. I guess I’m just sad because I know how upset I felt when I found out my expander had to be removed. It was like, “SERIOUSLY WTF!?” I mean…come on…we do this for a preventative measure, because it’s the smart thing to do…why do we get all of these effing complications?! So I’m kind of reminded of those angry feelings. Mehhhhhhhhh. But you have a good attitude about it. You really do. And you are strong, you’re right.

  3. I recently had a revision surgery, where they took everything out and put new ones in, and I felt amazing the day of the surgery and have since. You won’t regret it and it’s not going backwards at all.

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