brca bullshit

More progress… but backwards, this time.

I met with the handsome young well-known plastic surgeon from Miami who examined me as a favor to a friend of a friend … and all he had to do was look to tell me they were all wrong. The first words out of his mouth were “it’s all got to come out and be re-done”, which broke my heart. But the next words out of his mouth were like angel singing in a chorus: “No wonder you’re in pain – your pec muscle is stretched to tight and it’s connection to the 3;ekls;kfo  muscle (sorry, I wasn’t paying THAT great attention) is pulling on your back.” No psychiatrists. No anxiety tests or increase of SSRIs. A logical, clear, concise explanation of my pain and suffering – not only did he believe me, he expected that I’d be in pain. It was a bittersweet visit, but he has a colleague in Reston who  he recommends as his “clone”.

Funniest thing, though… my PS, Dr. N, was his attending in med school. Hilarious.

So, we start over. Like Sisyphus forever rolling the rock up the hill only for it to roll back down again, onward I climb. This time, tissue expanders, fills, the whole works. But, he thinks once all the scar tissue comes out and my skin isn’t stretched so tight, a lot of my discomfort will be alleviated. That is music to my ears, and so I grab my hiking boots and prepare to fight another battle with health insurance and work and disability and everything else…. again.

Here’s how positive I want to feel:

But here’s what’s going on in my head:

…. and I’m still getting stronger. My soul will be iron-clad when all of this is finished.

brca bullshit

Six Week “Boobie” Versary

Pain is all there is. I go to work like a zombie and just pray I can make it home … at which point I don’t eat and I just lay in bed and hug my brookstone nap pillow (to which I was going to link but apparently they don’t make them anymore?) I’m really glad I have my Mom’s larger one and the smaller one that my “family away from family” bought for me… I’d be sad to hear they discontinued the line, because they bring so much comfort and conformity.

Week 3 on the Butrans patch and I am miserable. I’m taking Vicodin on top of it, have constant muscle spasms and still have not been able to get approval from insurance for PT. In general, I’m feeling tired and weak and work is getting harder and harder to drag myself to…but since I have no leave, I have no choice.

Now if I could just rev up my hormones enough to keep J happy once and a while… How do you ladies handle sex when you’re so tired and sore?


brca bullshit

Cancer crap.

My email to my best friend:

“Hey lady, my cancer crap is back with a vengeance.”

Basically, the same lump they biopsied in April and said something about ductal something-or-other but not cancer has grown 4mm. Apparently that’s like HUGE in the world of boobie lumps, and the radiologist ordered an extensional biopsy immediately.

I was then told to schedule a surgical consult and I realized… hey, aren’t I getting these things taken off soon anyway? Let me ponder this for a moment…

Anyway, ladies, you know what to do: