Pain is all there is. I go to work like a zombie and just pray I can make it home … at which point I don’t eat and I just lay in bed and hug my brookstone nap pillow (to which I was going to link but apparently they don’t make them anymore?) I’m really glad I have my Mom’s larger one and the smaller one that my “family away from family” bought for me… I’d be sad to hear they discontinued the line, because they bring so much comfort and conformity.
Week 3 on the Butrans patch and I am miserable. I’m taking Vicodin on top of it, have constant muscle spasms and still have not been able to get approval from insurance for PT. In general, I’m feeling tired and weak and work is getting harder and harder to drag myself to…but since I have no leave, I have no choice.
Now if I could just rev up my hormones enough to keep J happy once and a while… How do you ladies handle sex when you’re so tired and sore?
Up A (Giant) Hill 
“How do you ladies handle sex when you’re so tired and sore?” If you figure out the answer to that question, let me know, PLEASE! Right now I’m more upset by my physical appearance than anything. When I had to get my TE removed I told my bf that I just couldn’t do anything intimate for a while…I’m so self-conscious and it just completely ruins sex for me. UGH!
I have been pretty open with J and he’s been good at not looking repulsed if I change my bra in front of him, but last Wed, I had a mini-nervous breakdown and curled up on the floor crying about how I felt that I was holding him back and I’d understand about him leaving (he was very sympathetic, but it’s hard for them to know what to say to us, right?). The times when we have attempted, which I’m sad to say I can count on one hand, I’ve kept a sports bra or tank on top…
Sometimes you just have to say, “I am the most important person right now, and I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want to do,” and leave it at that. If he is the right person for you, he’ll live. It’s all about you right now and you shouldn’t feel pressured to keep him happy (in the biblical sense, or any sense, really). I realize that people are hard-wired to care about what others think so this is easier said than done, but maybe repeating the above sentence will help! I had to do that last year during all of my surgeries and chemo. Even through it all I felt guilty about not being the perfect girlfriend – but eventually I came to grips with the fact that I didn’t need to please anyone and I had to be a little selfish.