Days one & two with my new boobies

03/29/201204/17/2012 SisyphusRealized4 Comments

All in all, I’m not in a tremendous amount of pain… I can’t definitively say that I won’t have any, or that it won’t be too much at times, but I woke up from anesthesia to my parents and my handsome man… I was feeling lucky!

The new boobs look swollen and disfigured, but I’ll let that image speak for itself, on the “graphic photos” page on this site. I think they’ll settle down nicely, and probably end up a little smaller than they were before, but I’ll be happy no matter what because of the wonderful thing I did for myself and my family.

I was discharged last night, and my Mom and I headed back here … greeted by two angry kitties! Now, one is in Caroline’s bed (since she left the door open when she came to get her bed frame), and the other is following behind me, per his traditional mama’s boy behavior. Now I’m struggling between awake and asleep wrapped in the beautiful blanket Lisa Mielke made me – so grateful for all the help given to me by so many people! Love you all!

brca bullshit

And I Pray

03/26/201204/22/2013 SisyphusRealizedLeave a comment

To my family, my friends, my handsome man…a thousand thank-yous would never convey the gratitude I feel for your love and support.

After tomorrow, I won’t need to pray nightly that the next day or week or month will be the day that I feel a lump where a lump wasn’t before. I don’t need to pray every time the phone rings that it won’t be bad test results or a doctor telling me I need to have a follow-up test run. My angels will carry me through this surgery and I will wake up ready to start my new life. No more black cloud…only blue skies and happiness.

So now, I pray for anyone struggling to make the decision I did. I pray for all those having complications from their surgeries, and for those that are struggling mentally or physically with the effects of this teeny mutant.

Sure, I pray my surgery goes smoothly, and I pray my pathology reports are clear and I pray that I have an easy recovery…but somehow, I know that whether it’s an easy road or a hard one, I have so many willing and loving helpers that I’ll make it through.

Love to you all–pictures to come either tomorrow or Wednesday! 🙂

brca bullshit

St. Patrick’s Celebration (a day early!)

03/18/201203/19/2012 SisyphusRealizedLeave a comment

With my girls….

My brothers….

My people (<3)…

And my man-friend … with a nice SM photobomb. Love it!

It’s good to have people. It’s great to be in Baltimore at J Patrick’s — with 10 days until the surgery, it was great to spend some quality time with my brothers and friends. I’m really grateful for a lot of things right now.

brca bullshit

100% Preventative

03/15/201201/21/2021 SisyphusRealized1 Comment

What I hadn’t thought about is that this MRI could actually be the piece that reassures me that this surgery has put me AHEAD of the cancer. All along I just assumed I’d get it eventually, whether they found it *right* before the surgery or during the surgery or whatever… but now, the MRI shows no abnormalities (except the lump they’ve biopsied the hell out of) and some small cysts.

This surgery is now 100% preventative. No chemo. No radiation. No watching my loved ones suffer as they watch me… and I can’t help but look upward to my guardian angels and thank them. I’m ahead of it. My chance of getting breast cancer after March 27th will be 2% – below the average woman’s chance of 4%. There is a song in my heart, and I know who put it there…

I can’t *wait* to wear this shirt… like… can’t wait! 🙂

brca bullshit

Happy Birthday, Joycie

03/08/201203/09/2012 SisyphusRealizedLeave a comment

I am feeling all of this love and support from family and friends alike today… and, as I was just reminded, on what would have been Joycie’s 67th birthday. There can be no coincidence there, my dearest guardian angel — I’m so sorry you didn’t get the chance to make the choice I’m making, but thank you for your inspiration. I miss you every day. Every. Day. It is for you that I endure this pain and this sacrifice-so that I may continue to sing with your voice for your sisters.

I thank you (and Deborah Bridget of course) for guiding me to this path of prevention and allowing me to get ahead of (most) the suffering and pain you endured. You were one of the most important people to help develop my life into a *whole* entity and and I’m forever grateful for all the lessons that you taught me… may they be musical, religious, spiritual, comical or otherwise. I hope you’re partying with your Mom, Dad, brothers and sister up there … don’t light the cake on fire!

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