After a disturbing conversation with my father about why I needed to fill out the power of attorney forms (which I already did!) and the risk of death-by-anesthesia, I was pretty wigged out last night. Fortunately I was at J’s house, and he calmed me down and we went to sleep early – I actually slept, and didn’t have that horrible nightmare where I’m awake during surgery but can’t say anything… did anyone else have those nightmares?

One of my BRCA sisters in the support group had the same surgery that I’m having yesterday, and she was texting me just hours after the surgery. She was walking, she was moving and she said the pain was bad but manageable. Funny thing was I offered her my two angels to borrow (since I don’t need them until Tuesday) and that’s one of the first things she said: “thank goodness for the angels.” The nurses told her that she’s doing better than most patients, so I may not be that lucky, but knowing that she can do it is just one more reassurance that *I* can do it too. I have been so glad to talk to her today – she seems alert and awake (just bored) and although she said she couldn’t sleep (I have no doubt that I won’t sleep without a sedative as well), she walked the halls with a nurse. Sounds like a pretty incredible first night, and I pray that mine is just the same.

For months now I’ve been complaining – first to my original BS and then to my new one, that while extensive surveillance was being done on my left breast, the last time they surveyed my right breast was an MRI in April 2011 … a year ago.

So, yesterday in my pre-op meeting with my BS (which I scheduled because I wanted to be on the same page – she seemed to be really anti-straight to implant until I took my bra off, and then she was like, “oh, well, actually you are the perfect candidate for this surgery…”). I made the mistake of asking, however, if I would need any node biopsies, and that made her ponder for a moment, look over my old MRI, and then feel me up for a minute before declaring “this feels a little hard, so let’s get an MRI to be sure”. On what side was she pointing? That’s right. The right.

Sigh. MRI’s make me very sick because I’m one of the rare people who’s allergic to the galladinium they use for contrast. I get hives and all sorts of itchies and scratchies… and of course it’s scheduled for 7:30am, so I have to go to work afterwards. Oh well, at least they’re being cautious!

Had another meeting with the PS today and he said he’s going to put FOUR drains in. Blech. I was feeling REALLY down about this until one of my BRCA+ sisters put it all into perspective: